People have a lot of assumptions of what a wedding should be or what is "normal".
Unfortunately for them, things have changed:
- Getting married in your 30's -
- Not wearing a diamond ring -
- Colorful wedding dresses -
- No bridal party -
- Destination weddings -
- Marriage outside of a church -
...are just a few of the new trends in weddings.
Here are a few awkward conversations that should be avoided and how to handle them...
Ring "That's a nice ring for you, but I would never want that for myself." This is probably one of the rudest things I have ever heard. Wedding rings are a symbol of eternal love and a sacred bond shared between the husband and wife. Everyone has their own personal taste in style, and there is no such thing as a "standard" in what the ring should look like.
Attendance "Am I invited to the wedding?" I remember several people making comments after we sent our invites out about not being invited. I wasn't really sure how to answer why they weren't invited, but thought that was pretty rude as it put me and my fiance in a really awkward spot with them.
My tip for the bride and groom: It's never easy having to cut people off of the list, and I'm sure it did hurt their feelings, BUT it has to be done. I always encourage my engaged friends to start their list quickly after being engaged, then adding and subtracting as you get near time to order your save the dates. Relationships with people can change in a year's time, so be prepared for your list to be altered.
Money "How much are you planning on spending on your wedding?" This is like asking someone what their salary is. Sure, if you're planning your own shin-dig and are looking for advice, maybe ask what they spent on individual vendors, but an overall budget is personal.
My tip for the bride and groom:If someone asks you this, shoot them spots you looked around, but do not feel like you have to tell people what you spent, they are just be nosy.
Involvement "I'm standing in the wedding right?" Choosing a bridal party is probably one of the more stressful points in wedding planning. You should never assume you're standing in a wedding party, because the bride and groom may have other plans. Plus, once you make a comment like that, you may be asked out of pity, is that what you really want?
My tip for the bride and groom: Some people ask right away, and some wait until just several months out. Personally, I would wait. As I stated above, relationships can change drastically within a year's time, and someone you thought was one of your best friends, could be more of an acquaintance come time of the wedding.
Weight "Are you planning on hitting the gym before the big day?" Most woman are self-conscious about their weight on a day-to-day basis, let's not add more pressure to that topic than there already is. The most important thing is that the bride feels stunning on the wedding day, no matter the size.
Even as a bridesmaid, you should be supportive of the bride and her appearance throughout the entire wedding process. Feel free to make suggestions on what you think may look good on her, but don't press it, a suggestion is fine.
Next time you meet someone who is getting engaged, keep an open mind, and remember that they're planning a celebration that is a reflection on them, not you or any other person.