They don't call it BridesMAID for nothin'


Let me start by saying that being chosen to be part of a bridal party is an honor, not a burden or a chore.

A quick note to the bride before I lecture all bridesmaids:

+ Pick your bridal party based on the friendship (or family if you feel that is important). BUT just because these ladies are your best friends, doesn't mean they will be the best maid of honor or bridesmaid... and that's ok. Just remember that you're not friends because they will be the best bridesmaid.

+ Express your expectations early to the bridesmaids, maid of honor AND hosts of your bridal shower. The moms will think the bridesmaids should help more with the showers, and the bridesmaids will think they don't have to because they are handling the bachelorette party. There will be disagreements on costs of hair, dress, and shoes. Just get it over with and tell them estimates on everything.

+ Don't be afraid of your bridal party looking better than you. We all have friends who have large boobs, perfect abs, long hair, or naturally gorgeous. No one will "out-shine" you, so please pick flattering dresses/overall appearances for all. Remember, these are people you care about, so let's not aim for ugly.

+ Just like the rest of the wedding, you won't please everyone. That's also ok, but if something starts to be a huge deal, be sensitive towards the issue(s). Otherwise boot em', ha just kidding {you will feel this way at least once}.

It's about offering to help the bride and groom (along with the MOH and MOG/MOB) with planning, transporting, creating, and supporting, for their big day.

Pros:

+ You are special to the bride and/or groom

+ An outfit/hair/makeup planned

+ A front row seat at the ceremony

+ Fed first at the reception

+ Skip to the front of the line for a drink at the reception

+ Special transportation on the big day

+ See wedding plans and items before everyone else

+ Throw a bridal shower

+ Throw a bachelorette party

Cons:

- Costs money

- Potential bridezilla

EXPECTATIONS

The general expectation of a bridesmaid is simple--help the bride with the wedding, and events leading up to the wedding. This isn't just a "show-up and smile for the camera" type of thing, being a bridesmaid requires time and thoughtfulness.

If you don't expect to throw money AND time towards:

Bridesmaid dress {Estimated cost: $100 - $150}

Makeup {Estimated cost: Free (if the bride is providing) - $75}

Hair Style {Estimated cost: $50 - $75}

Bridal Shower {Estimated cost: $50 - $300}

There are a lot of dependencies that can alter the cost

- MOB or MOG helping?

- How many bridesmaids are there? The more helping, the less it will be

- Location (Hosting at a home vs. a venue)

- # of Guests

- Decor (Are you ordering linens or is everything low key)

- Food (Is it provided by the venue or are the hosts making the food?)

Bachelorette Party {Estimated cost: $75 - $1000}

There are a lot of dependencies that can alter the cost

- How many bridesmaids are there? The more helping, the less it will be

- Location (Hosting at a home vs. Vegas or a Hotel)

- # of Guests

- Extras (Bridal swag, champagne, drinks)

- Food (Going out to dinner or are the hosts making the food?)

Wedding Gift {Estimated cost: $150 - $300}

Potential Travel {Estimated cost: $50 - $100}

Hotel {Estimated cost: $75 - $150}

Dress Shopping Appointments {Estimated cost: Maybe gas?}

Dress Fitting Appointments {Estimated cost: Maybe gas?}

Hair/make-up Trial Appointments {Estimated cost: Maybe gas?}

+ more I am not even thinking about

... then you should tell the bride you're not up for it... OR be honest about what you can/cannot do or afford.

Sure, not all brides will have this list of expectations, but I suggest you go into it thinking it is so you're not pissed when you find out what kind of money/time will be involved. The worst thing you can do is be passive and put the other bridesmaids in a position where they have to put out more money than planned because you decided you can't afford to help anymore, or worse, make the bride feel like she has to front your costs.

If you can't afford to do some of the things the bride needs you to, then you should offer help with anything else (packaging invitations, decor, signs, opinions, errands, etc.).

JUST DON'T EVEN GO THERE...

Complaining

Offer a suggestion, if it's not used. Move on.

Being Late

Chances are the B/G are excited or stressed. Let them know they can depend on you.

Being part of a bridal party is the best time to remember to treat others as you want to be treated, because you have either been the bride and know how it feels OR will be a bride and will want your friends to help you like you helped them. Remember, HAVE FUN, this is exciting!
A Special Thank You

To some of my beautiful brides/friends above for letting me use your photos!

#wedding #bridesmaid #blog

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© 2020 by Kathleen Spangler  // Contact Me 

 

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